


Birds of a Feather Steal Together

by WritingCactus



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Baby Animals, Dan is a huge dork and Phil's adorable, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, Summer Romance, Teenagers, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13555098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingCactus/pseuds/WritingCactus
Summary: Dan never expected anything remotely interesting to happen during his summer job at a petting zoo. But when he catches a boy with bright blue eyes and a cute laugh trying to smuggle a bunch of ducklings out of the farm, things take a much more interesting turn...





	Birds of a Feather Steal Together

**Author's Note:**

> As it's still pretty winter-y, at least in America, I thought it would be nice to have a little summer fluff! But in all seriousness, please don't steal anything from petting zoos, not even if it's to get noticed by the cute employee. Enjoy! :D

Dan Howell would never have thought that working at a petting zoo over the summer would be anything close to exciting. It was day after day of monotonous, hard work: feeding the animals and cleaning out their pens, coops, or fields, ushering tired parents and excited kids around, or taking calls from schools and birthday parties who wanted an easy way to distract a lot of screaming children for an hour or two. Still, it paid well, and there was something surprisingly rewarding about the baby goats tromping over to greet him when he fed them in the mornings. So it was kinda worth it, though his tendency to wear all black made standing in the hot sun all day just a tiny inconvenient. But no matter how nice it was to have the extra cash and the chance to pet cute animals all day, the fact remained: nothing remotely interesting had happened during the month and a half he’d been working there. The only thing to have broken the usual routine was when one of the chickens escaped during his first week, but they found her after only thirty minutes of searching, gorging herself on corn from the storage room, and that was it. Such a set routine had been peaceful at first, but now it was just a pain.

Then, on a particularly sunny day in the middle of July, his boring peace and quiet was completely shattered by one Phil Lester. The first day he saw him, he wasn’t really paying much attention. He only noticed the boy in the first place because he was wearing a bright yellow and very hard-to-miss sweatshirt. The next thing he noticed that he was tall, almost as tall as himself, with pitch black hair, and from what he could see, a handsome face. He stood out from the crowd for a moment, looking just a little out of place as people pushed past him, before Dan’s attention was pulled away by a yell as one of the goats stole a woman’s hat right off her head. 

And the day went on. Forgetting about the stranger was easy when he was just one of dozens of people filing around to see the animals. However, ignoring him wasn’t quite so easy when he showed up again the next day, and the next, until the end of the week. It was a little odd for a guy, who he guessed was maybe a year or two older than him, to visit a petting zoo every single day, but hey, Dan wasn’t judging. He might not have been able to have any pets at home, or maybe he wanted to start raising chickens and wanted to check them out first, or maybe he just liked the petting zoo. Either way, business was business. Dan would have thought about it a whole lot less, if he wasn’t now sure that the boy was quite pretty. 

Hey, it wasn’t his fault that he was surrounded entirely by little kids, tired adults, and goats all the time, which made everyone else look so much nicer. Who could blame him? It wasn’t like he was stalking the guy, not at all. He just stopped what he was doing to watch him for half a second when he saw him, at least until he’d been staring for a definitely weird amount of time and risked being noticed. And if he found himself offering to work in the ticket stand during the morning shift just to chance seeing him up close, well. It wasn’t like it would ever lead to anything, so why not enjoy himself just a little? 

Dan had made the firm decision that he was not going to talk to the mystery guy, no matter how pretty his blue eyes were. He didn’t know him in the slightest; for all he knew, he could be incredibly boring, or an actual murderer, or a bigot, or any other horrible thing. And the cherry on the no-hopes sundae, the chances of actually seeing him again were very, very low. As far as Dan knew, they went to completely different schools, and there were tons of tourists around for the summer, so they might not even live in the same place. There was also the very probable chance that he’d say something stupid and scare him away, and then he wouldn’t even be able to see his nice face anymore. So really, the cons definitely outweigh the pros, and he was really not planning on ever actually interacting with the guy. But once again, Phil Lester threw off his careful plans. 

It was a very usual, boring Saturday when it happened. After standing in the sweltering heat surrounded by lots of sweaty people, he spotted the stranger edging his way to the exit gate. Dan would’ve just glanced at him with feigned disinterest like normal, but something was really obviously off. The dude was glancing around nervously, looking incredibly out of place, and when they met eyes across the lot, he turned even paler, froze for half a second, and then began an awkward, panicked shuffle towards the exit. It was weird enough that Dan completely forgot about his no-contact-with-the-handsome-guy policy, as well as the heat, sprinting after him without thinking. 

He had the advantage of being able to move without doing whatever weird imitation of the cupid shuffle said handsome guy was doing (seriously, what was his deal?) and it was easy enough to grab his arm before he could complete his clumsy dash towards the exit and pull him behind the administration building. If he really was a serial killer, well, at least the kids currently fawning over baby animals wouldn’t be able to see his inevitable gruesome murder behind this building. With these kind of things, it was really all about focusing on the bright side. He stopped once they were safely out of sight and looked at the boy, who looked like he’d either just been caught stealing a cookie from the jar or committing arson, who stared right back, frozen. 

“What are you doing?” Dan asked, trying to keep his voice calm and professional, on the off chance that he’d just chased a completely innocent guy. That in mind, he let go of possibly-innocent-guy’s arm, at least once he was sure that he wasn’t going to make a break for it. Again. 

“I was just- uh, I…” He began, pulling his arms in close to his chest, and that was when Dan noticed that his jumper- which was significantly too warm for the weather- was strangely lumpy. Oh, and that something- or many small somethings, really- was definitely moving around inside it. “I was just leaving! I have to, uh, walk my cat-”

“Uh huh.” Dan rolled his eyes. As pretty as this guy was, he wasn’t exactly intimidating, and he found himself at least 20% less nervous than expected, which was still kinda nervous. 

“Then what’s in your sweatshirt?” He asked, crossing his arms and taking a step back. Now that he was genuinely invested in what this guy could be trying to sneak out of a petting zoo in the middle of broad daylight, and more importantly why, and he wasn’t going to let this go until he got answers. The boy just shifted nervously some more, then seemed to give up, sighing in defeat. 

“I know stealing is bad, and I’m really sorry, but they started following me and were so sad when I left, and I think the mom’s ignoring them or something, and I just wanted to help-” He rambled, leaving Dan even more lost than before. 

“Wait, wait, wait. What started following you?” He asked, but his question was answered before he could even get it out of his mouth. One of the lumps in the boy’s blue jumper had wriggled its way to the top, and as he watched, a tiny, fuzzy head poked its way out of the collar of his jumper, quacking softly. Oh. There was a tiny bird in his shirt, okay. The boy sighed, carefully pulling the duckling out and handing it to Dan, before tugging off the sweatshirt to reveal a much more weather-appropriate t-shirt underneath. Right, and six more tiny, peeping ducklings, tumbling around on the bunched up fabric and flapping their tiny useless wings adorably. As far as the limited knowledge on baby waterfowl he’d gained in the month of working at the petting zoo, they looked about a week old, happily snuggling into the boy’s arms.

“Were you… were you stealing our ducks?” He asked, stunned. Dan wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t... well, it wasn’t whatever was currently happening. 

“I know it looks bad, but it was to help, really! I was in the nursery when these little guys hatched, and I think they imprinted on me! That means they think I’m their mom, because-”

“I know what imprinting is. I work here.” He pointed to his name tag helpfully. “Couldn’t you just leave them with their actual mother?” 

“I tried, but she wouldn’t pay any attention to them, and they kept bumping into the fence trying to follow me. They just looked so sad, I had to visit them again the next day,” He explained, and Dan nodded along. Alright, that kind of made sense so far. 

“That’s probably Martha, I think she had a clutch recently. She’s our meanest duck, too. She doesn’t let most people anywhere near her space, which is probably why no one was there to monitor the hatching,” He hummed, at least relieved that this wasn’t somehow all his fault. 

“Well, Martha didn’t seem to care about her babies all that much. I don’t think the little guys were getting enough food or anything, and I couldn’t just let them starve!” The boy looked so earnest that Dan could only sigh, placing a hand on his forehead. It was not helping his willpower that the ducklings were so fluffy and adorable. 

“Okay… that part I understand, sort of, but did you really think no one would notice it if you stuffed a bunch of baby birds in your shirt?” “I just kind of hoped that no one was paying me any attention, and I did almost make it. Wait, you said you work here? Will you let me keep them?” He pleaded, the lumps of fuzz still beeping from his arms. Shit. 

Dan stared once more, before glancing around to make sure that they were out of view. Technically, it was his job to keep things like this from happening. Just because he hadn’t been told explicitly not to let customers steal animals didn’t mean that it wasn’t very heavily implied. He really should just refuse and take the ducklings back. Hand-rearing would would work no matter who they’d imprinted on. Clearly, the right thing to do was put his foot down and return them. 

“Here, watch this,” The boy said, apparently taking his pause as a no. He carefully plopped each of the little birds onto the ground and stepped away. Immediately, the babies began wobbling after him, cheeping eagerly. When he stopped to let them catch up, they clustered around his feet, hopping onto his shoes and bumping into each other trying to be as close to him as possible. Then the boy laughed, sticking his tongue out just slightly, and Dan was only human. 

“Okay, okay, listen, uh...” He trailed off, trying not to sound like his heart was melting in his ribcage, and at least a little bit professional.

“Oh, I’m Phil!” He offered his hand, still smiling. 

“Dan.” He shook his hand in return, pulling away probably just a little bit too fast. “Well Phil, I shouldn’t even be having this conversation right now, so if I get fired, it’s your fault. I guess they really are imprinted on you. But if you’re going to take them, I have to at least make sure you can actually care for them properly. Do you even have a plan on where to keep them? Or any supplies? Experience with ducks?” 

“My grandma has a huge old chicken coop and a pond in her backyard, I figured that would be fine. She gave away all the feeders and stuff though.” 

“That’ll work. But if you need supplies... Okay, wait here, I’m just going to... borrow some stuff, and I swear to god, if you leave without the right food and try to give them bread, I will track you down and eviscerate you.” 

“Alright. Thanks, Dan, I really appreciate it.” He beamed, sounding actually sincere, and Dan felt himself blush, turning away. God dammit, he was trying to be cool and uncaring, which admittedly was not his speciality. 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m doing it for the ducklings, not you.” And definitely not just because Phil was really, really cute, and probably not a murderer or a terrible person after all, he thought, walking as fast as possible to the storage shed without getting noticed. 

Of course it was just his luck that it wasn’t empty, like he’d been silently praying for. Instead Lydia, the niece of the vaguely mysterious farm guy who owned the petting zoo, who had apparently been forced to spend the summer working on said zoo because of “behavioral problems” (Dan didn’t know what she’d done to earn that phrase, and he didn’t want to know), was sitting in the corner on her phone. There was a 95% chance she was skipping work. He didn’t know Lydia well, but he could at least hope that she’d just ignore him and he’d get back outside without any added human interaction and risk of being discovered. But once again, the universe suddenly seemed intent on making things as hard for him as possible. In short, she definitely noticed him. 

“You’re slacking off too now, huh?” She asked, smirking up at him, and he froze in the middle of grabbing a water feeder.

“Uh, n-no, I was just getting this for the chickens-” He stuttered. Nice cover up, Dan. He went so far as to mentally pat himself on the back. Totally believable. At least, until Lydia piped up again, effectively dooming him once more. 

“Yeah, right. I saw you follow some kid behind the Administration building. Not exactly subtle, Howell.” She winked, and he was momentarily speechless, turning even redder than the heat had made him.

“Woah, let’s not go there! I was just helping him, uh...” Steal flock of tiny ducklings? The truth was almost worse that what she was implying, and what he was trying very hard not to think about. 

“‘Helping’ him, huh?” She scoffed, and Dan was really, really having a hard time not confessing to the duckling-thievery just to make her shut up. If rumors about this-and there really was no this, just for the record-he’d die. No drama about it, just death. 

“Hey, why do you care if I’m kissing some guy behind a barn, anyway?” He shoved another scoop of enhanced feed into a plastic bag, deciding to admit defeat. If that’s what she had to think to not ask questions, so be it.

“Hey, I really don’t. Just teasing you. I’ve got a girlfriend; I couldn’t care less if you kiss dudes.” She raised her hands in surrender, and Dan felt just a little better. Not only was she less of a threat, but now even if he was convicted of assisted duck-napping, he at least knew someone else in this rural isolation-zone who wasn’t straight. But back to the duck-napping. He looked around one more time to make sure that he had everything he needed, and paused to smile slightly at Lydia, who just rolled her eyes, before ducking back outside without a word. 

Thankfully, his trip back was completely uneventful, since being an employee definitely stopped quite a few weird looks from coming his way at the mass of stuff in his arms. And, equally luckily, Phil was still where he left him, with all seven ducklings accounted for and undiscovered by anyone else. They were hopping around his feet and over his crossed legs, beeping happily, and Dan couldn’t help but smile, cool and detached act or not.

“Okay, this should be about everything you need. Oh, and read this, or I will take these guys back to Martha,” He promised, handing him a book on duck care he’d nabbed from the shelves. He might have already agreed to this ridiculous scheme, but there was no way Dan would willingly put a bunch of tiny babies into improper care, and he really didn’t have enough animal knowledge to give the crash course himself.

“I will, I promise. Now how exactly do we get out of here?” Phil asked, carefully bundling the ducklings back up in his sweater, and Dan picked up the bags of supplies. “Well, we could try the front entrance again, since it’s the closest, but all this stuff’s pretty noticeable. Besides, nobody really notices if employees just disappear for a little bit just since the farm’s so big, but if I get caught actually walking off property without an excuse... So the back entrance is our best bet.” He murmured, really, really hoping it actually seemed like he knew what he was doing instead of just making it all up as he went. If Dan was going to risk his chance to visit baby goats, he was at least going to impress Phil while doing it. 

The farthest parts of the small farm weren’t visited by guests, or even staff, most of the time, and it really showed. He lead the way down a faded little dirt path, winding its way through the field of uncut wild grasses, with wildflowers dotting the sea of faded green and waves coursing through it with every gust of wind. The sun felt somehow cooler out here. Slowly, the surrounding fields became a small patch of woods, scrawny little trees and bushes just big enough to form a tiny little oasis of shadow against the beating sun that slowly became an almost-forest. He picked his way carefully across the bottom of a tiny stream, run dry with the lack of rain, and when Phil nearly slipped on the mud around the edges, he even managed to reach out in time to keep him steady, since having a handfuls of baby ducks probably didn’t help with balance a whole lot. Of course, that meant that they ended up standing awkwardly close together, and he stepped back fast after one moment too long of getting caught in Phil’s eyes, nearly falling over himself. 

To break the awkwardness, he decided to count the ducklings. When only six were found, he had a brief moment of overwhelming terror, at least until the lost baby was found, peeping around Phil’s feet happily. 

It wasn’t much longer until they found the actual back gate (Dan was more relieved than he let on, worried that he’d lead them on a wild... well, a wild duck-chase). It was rusty, and a little broken down, but easy enough to walk around, seeing as most of the surrounding fence was literally ground-level or missing. Phil lead the way after that, right back around towards the front of the petting zoo, and Dan really wished that neither of them were so tall. Nothing more inconspicuous than two very large dudes walking around with a bunch of peeping balls of fluff and animal supplies, right outside of a petting zoo. But the animal-knapping police didn’t show up, and they reached Phil’s ride without any trouble. Except instead of a car, like he’d expected, it was a worn down old bike with a basket on the front. Huh. 

“Your plan was to bike home with these guys?” He asked, looking at Phil, who also seemed to be questioning his transportation choice. 

“I don’t think anyone wants to see me behind an actual steering wheel. And fine, I didn’t think this through as much as I should have. I was so nervous I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to take them or not, okay?” He looked so sheepish that Dan couldn’t help but smile. 

“Well, it’s too risky to actually bike home with them in the basket so... we walk?” It seemed like the safest bet, and he was pretty sure he’d actually have a heart attack if he had to see this kid bike away at high speeds with a bunch of ducklings flying out of the front. Phil nodded, and they very carefully loaded the ducks into the basket, and then even more carefully started rolling it down the sidewalk. It was a miracle that nobody stopped them on the way there, though they definitely got more than a few weird looks, including one from a lady who was clearly a PTA mom, glaring at them like they had personally stolen candy from her child, who was currently eating grass behind her. Dan just waved with his hand that wasn’t holding a huge bag of duckling feed, fast-walking away. 

It was a longer walk then he would’ve liked, seeing as the summer heat was still hanging in the air and he didn’t enjoy exercise even when it was cold. On the bright side, it was an excuse to talk to Phil, who still hadn’t stopped being cute, or given himself away as a serial killer for that matter, and talk they did. Much to his dismay, it turned out that they had a lot in common and that Phil was just a fun person to talk to in general, and Dan found himself enjoying it more than he would have liked. The boy had the same habit of sticking his tongue out when he laughed that he’d noticed before, as well as making a lot of very strange innuendos, which shouldn’t have been nearly as endearing as it was. Dan was starting to worry that his dumb I’m-literally-never-going-to-see-you-again crush was becoming a little more permanent. And to make things worse, he was laughing too much to even pretend to be disgruntled, totally ruining the cool and suave facade he couldn’t have ever achieved anyway. Maybe that was a good thing, though.

When they actually got back to Phil’s grandma’s house (she was going to be very surprised whenever she got home from her fencing class, he said, and Dan was suddenly very intimidated by this woman), it was short work to get the yard duckling-ready. The chicken coop was pretty much perfect for ducks anyway, the pond close by seemed safe enough, and setting out feeders, water, and putting a heater in the garage for the winter time was easy enough with his very limited animal experience. Watching the tiny little babies hop around on the green grass totally made theft and skipping work worth it, too. And after making Phil promise to read the care manual again, Dan had to leave it behind. 

Sure, it had been fun, but there was no way he was going to get upset about not seeing some random birds again when there were plenty of others back at the farm, and he wasn’t even going to be sad about not seeing Phil again, who there was definitely only one of, with his cute laugh and pretty eyes and personality that already felt so familiar, like they’d know each other their whole lives, even if it had really only been three hours max. Definitely not going to be sad. Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away faster. Luckily, he only made it about halfway around the house.

“Dan, wait!” Phil yelled, and he turned to see him running over, skidding to a clumsy stop. He looked, not for the first time, like he hadn’t really thought something through. 

“Uhh, could I maybe, uh, have your number?” He asked, panting. “In case you want to yell at me more about how to feed ducklings and stuff, I mean.” He was smiling, and Dan couldn’t help but laugh, even though his heart rate was definitely picking up.

“Is that really how you’re asking for my number?” He asked, taking Phil’s phone and typing it in, but it came out more fond than teasing. “Hey, it worked!” 

“I guess it did. And, um, you can also call for other stuff. That’s not duckling related, I mean.” He added, speaking too quickly, and it was his turn to feel awkward. But Phil smiled at him again, handing back his phone. After that it was a quick goodbye, thought it felt more like a beginning than anything else.

Even though he had to walk all the way back to the petting zoo in the heat, and was probably going to get yelled at, Dan couldn’t have felt happier. The summer was definitely taking a turn for the better, and the less boring, with Phil Lester in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take this too seriously, I am not a duck expert, though I sure do love birds. If you liked it, leave a comment! :D


End file.
